When Things Go Wrong, Use the “AAA” Framework to Better Move On
It will help you build resilience from the inside out.
21,915. That’s how many days I’m fortunate enough to be alive.
Today’s my 60th birthday.
Like most people at this stage of life, I’ve seen a lot. Love. Loss. Adventure. Heartbreak. Challenges. Success. Failures. Like most people at this stage of life also, I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s helped me to not only navigate life but maximize it.
As someone who spent 18 years coaching mindfulness to high-performers to reach their goals without burning out, as well as the last few years as a keynote speaker and culture change agent through the power of self-care, the one tool that’s helped my clients the most is also the one that’s helped me the most.
Growing up, I had an interesting relationship with change. My mom suffered from depression and bipolar disorder, which meant I had to constantly look out for her mood and mindset. It was my job to shift her attention onto something positive, away from the pothole that she often got stuck in. She always worried about me too, because at a young age, I nearly lost my life on three occasions.
But at the same time, I love change. New environments. Challenges. Interesting people. I’m curious by nature and want to keep learning. It fuels my life. I imagine I’m not alone in sitting with this “change paradox.”
We need change to grow. But we fear change because the unknown is full of uncertainty, and if there’s anything we human beings like, it’s security and to feel safe. In our ever-changing, fast-paced world, how do we best navigate this? How do we reclaim agency when life gets testing and keep moving forward when faced with stress, and everywhere we turn, we’re faced with FUD (fear, uncertainty, doubt)?
A big part of the answer is found in embracing a self-care mindset which can be achieved using a tool I developed called “AAA” — “Acknowledge, Accept, and Ask.”
Simply put, AAA helps us navigate change by acknowledging how we feel, accepting the circumstances for what they are, and then asking what we need so that we can navigate and harness the challenges ahead.
“AAA” IN ACTION
As an example of the power of “AAA,” let’s dive into circumstances I recently had to navigate while writing my book this past year.
A few months back, I got word that I needed to have surgery to remove skin cancer directly under my right eye. Both my parents passed away from cancer, though not skin-case, and at the time, a doctor told me it was only a matter of time before I got cancer too.
Fortunately, the cancer was not the invasive kind though the surgery was extensive and needed reconstructive surgery afterwards, I wasn’t concerned with the cancer, just the surgery and just how extensive it might be. As someone whose work involves being in front of a lot of people, the potential size of the scar it would leave. Would it affect my eye? Would I have a distortion so that people looking at it when we interacted would feel uncomfortable about where to rest their gaze?
Here’s how I used AAA to stay calm and focused.
- Acknowledge: I was concerned about the impact it would have on my face and for how long I might have a very visible scar.
- Accept: I accepted that I would not know the impact of the surgery until after it was done. I also knew and accepted that I would need reconstructive surgery. Again, I would not know the impact until the day of.
- Ask: “What do I need so that I can be prepared to heal after the surgery is done?” In this way, I could suspend worry and focus on getting myself set up to take really good care of myself for the somewhat unforeseeable time it would take.
It’s a simple recipe. But it really helps. It’s easy to get lost in our own heads with everything that might go wrong, and we often create an image of the future that is much scarier than the reality in front of us.
To ground yourself in the now and reclaim agency over what you can control, be prepared for what might happen, and better move on when things do go wrong, use the “AAA” — a powerful tool to navigate the potholes that life will inevitably place on your path.
The last bit, “What do I need so that I can..? (insert whatever challenge you are looking to overcome) can be your mantra when faced with stress or FUD. It gives you back both the power of choice and your voice.
Acknowledge how you feel. Accept “what is.” Ask yourself, “What do I need so that I can?”
It’s helped me get this far.
I hope it helps you get even further.
If you would like to learn more about rethinking self-care at work or my book, The Self-Care Mindset, you can find me at JeanetteBronee.com
